This is another blogpost that I wrote couple of years back. It is one of the reflections on life that I would like to share in this blog.
Some days back, we had a special team gathering at the office. It is an annual meeting wherein apart from long and boring speeches of the senior management (big shots!), a cultural event is also conducted where the employees get a chance to showcase their talents in hordes of creative and competitive events. These events include singing a song, solo dancing and group dancing. These events are what is termed on-stage events and there were some off-stage events too, like solving crosswords and sudoku in the shortest time period, etc. I participated in some of these off-stage events but didn’t try my hand at the on-stage ones. This is partly because I don’t think I have any talent for either singing or dancing and partly because I had some pending office work.
As usual the on-stage events attracted a huge audience. I was there too with a couple of my friends. Now, my group happened to be an all-male group. There, we were, at one corner of the big open-space where the event was being hosted. Generally, participation in on-stage events by girls would be higher than the men, at least that is what I have observed at my office. Anytime, the ratio will be at least 5:1 with girls in the lead. I am not sure if that is the case elsewhere but over here, that’s how it is!
Now, when girls hit the floor, they see to it that they have lots of fun without caring much about the people around them. Men being men, take this opportunity to do a detailed analysis of the girl. When a girl gets up for a performance, her beauty is first analyzed and commented upon. Ratings on a scale of 10 is given and passed around. Others revise the rating and a consensus is reached. As her performance gets underway, her anatomy is crudely sized up and rated.
That made me sick in my stomach. Standing there, with the blaring sound of the music and an excited dance performance of a girl at the stage, I asked myself: are we all bloody perverts? Some of the comments passed around and laughed at by the men standing near me were so bad that I cannot write them over here. When I made my disgust clear, I was shooed off and called a sissy. Then they got into reasoning mode and said it’s the girls who wear revealing clothes (!) that make men notice things that we would otherwise won't be bothered about. And that girls enjoy being commented upon!
The above exchange brings to mind another incident. A friend of mine who works in Pune had come to meet us. It was around the time when a BPO employee in that city was raped by a cab driver. During our chat, this incident came up. Though the friend started off pitying the poor girl, soon, he started telling us about the ‘gossips,’ he had heard from his friends. He said the girl was a ‘modern-type’ who used to wear revealing clothes and hence what happened was coming for her! I was enraged. What the hell is this 'modern-type'? And who decides what is modern and what is conservative? Even if the girl was wearing skimpy clothes, how does that justify this heinous crime? And how can a victim be held responsible for the crime?
I am ashamed to have stood among my colleagues that day and let them use such foul language to describe a woman. I am ashamed to be a part of the gender that knows no limits and perceive women as weak who can be violated to satiate their desires. And, then place the blame on them for attracting the attention in the first place!
It’s sad that I am part of this gender. But I know I would have been sadder if I had been part of the other one.
Some days back, we had a special team gathering at the office. It is an annual meeting wherein apart from long and boring speeches of the senior management (big shots!), a cultural event is also conducted where the employees get a chance to showcase their talents in hordes of creative and competitive events. These events include singing a song, solo dancing and group dancing. These events are what is termed on-stage events and there were some off-stage events too, like solving crosswords and sudoku in the shortest time period, etc. I participated in some of these off-stage events but didn’t try my hand at the on-stage ones. This is partly because I don’t think I have any talent for either singing or dancing and partly because I had some pending office work.
As usual the on-stage events attracted a huge audience. I was there too with a couple of my friends. Now, my group happened to be an all-male group. There, we were, at one corner of the big open-space where the event was being hosted. Generally, participation in on-stage events by girls would be higher than the men, at least that is what I have observed at my office. Anytime, the ratio will be at least 5:1 with girls in the lead. I am not sure if that is the case elsewhere but over here, that’s how it is!
Now, when girls hit the floor, they see to it that they have lots of fun without caring much about the people around them. Men being men, take this opportunity to do a detailed analysis of the girl. When a girl gets up for a performance, her beauty is first analyzed and commented upon. Ratings on a scale of 10 is given and passed around. Others revise the rating and a consensus is reached. As her performance gets underway, her anatomy is crudely sized up and rated.
That made me sick in my stomach. Standing there, with the blaring sound of the music and an excited dance performance of a girl at the stage, I asked myself: are we all bloody perverts? Some of the comments passed around and laughed at by the men standing near me were so bad that I cannot write them over here. When I made my disgust clear, I was shooed off and called a sissy. Then they got into reasoning mode and said it’s the girls who wear revealing clothes (!) that make men notice things that we would otherwise won't be bothered about. And that girls enjoy being commented upon!
The above exchange brings to mind another incident. A friend of mine who works in Pune had come to meet us. It was around the time when a BPO employee in that city was raped by a cab driver. During our chat, this incident came up. Though the friend started off pitying the poor girl, soon, he started telling us about the ‘gossips,’ he had heard from his friends. He said the girl was a ‘modern-type’ who used to wear revealing clothes and hence what happened was coming for her! I was enraged. What the hell is this 'modern-type'? And who decides what is modern and what is conservative? Even if the girl was wearing skimpy clothes, how does that justify this heinous crime? And how can a victim be held responsible for the crime?
I am ashamed to have stood among my colleagues that day and let them use such foul language to describe a woman. I am ashamed to be a part of the gender that knows no limits and perceive women as weak who can be violated to satiate their desires. And, then place the blame on them for attracting the attention in the first place!
It’s sad that I am part of this gender. But I know I would have been sadder if I had been part of the other one.
Its very comforting to see at least one of the very few souls on the other gender, who really understands this difficulty.
ReplyDeleteForget about the stage performance and stuff... These guys comment and evaluate girls even if they are just walking into a cafeteria...
And even wearing a jean and tee, basically for comfort and ease-of-use-and-wash, will be considered as the 'modern' category you have rightly pointed out.
Forget about all this... If a girl speaks friendly to everyone, then she will be branded as "that type" or "very social and easy to grab" etc...
I just know what most girls chooses to do with these kind of perverts, as am one of them. "Just ignore the idiot"... of course there are not many other options available, which wont invite more trouble...